


Too Late

by shipatfirstsight



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, in which the force bond sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 04:10:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5729035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipatfirstsight/pseuds/shipatfirstsight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She doesn’t tell anyone, but sometimes she can’t sleep, waiting for his presence to press into her thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late

Ben comes back to the light. It doesn’t surprise Rey—she’d felt the struggle in him _. As I felt the struggle in you_ , she hears him say in her head, and she glares at him across the chamber. She’s...glad, she supposes, that he came back. It had gotten harder to fight with him the longer they’d been connected, painful, like she was betraying a part of herself every time she tried to hurt him. _It was the same every time I tried to hurt you_ , he tells her. She’s not quite sure what it all means, and neither is he.

She thinks that maybe one of them was always doomed to change sides eventually.

Luke and Leia vouch that they can sense he’s chosen the light over the dark, but the council needs more proof than that (they don’t want to kill him quite yet, regardless; he has valuable information about the First Order, and they’re planning on keeping him as long as he’s useful). Rey sighs as she stands up, facing the council with arms crossed. “We’re bonded through the Force,” she pauses while a collective gasp goes through the assembled people. “He’s chosen the light. And if he ever goes back, I’ll know.”

It seems to be enough to assure people for now though no one trusts the former dark lord; she can’t blame them _and neither can you_ , she thinks at Ben every time she feels his anger at the Resistance members. He’s in much better control of his emotions now, tramping down his anger easily. Still, the light grows in him every day stronger and stronger. With his affinity for it, it’s no surprise that the light had been calling for him.

What is a surprise is when he sneaks off base in the middle of the night. When they wake to find him gone—they only know when he doesn’t report into them as he’s supposed to—the council comes for her. They blame her after her reassurances. “Let me talk to him first,” she finally orders when she can get a word in.

_Where the hell are you Ben?_ She knows he’ll hear her, regardless of where he is, and she pushes her anger at him through their bond with her words.

_I’m going to kill Snoke_ , he answers, readily, and she can sense his determination.

It drives panic through her, and she’ll think about why later; her heartbeat picks up and her breath comes in harsh gasps. _Why would you go alone? You’re going to get yourself killed._

He doesn’t respond, but she can feel his emotions—regret and sadness mixed with resignation.

_You want to die_ , she realizes. _Come back. Now,_ she orders, _we’ll do this together or not at all_.

_This is the only way I can begin to redeem myself. Besides, it’s too late_ , he says, and she finally looks at what he’s seeing. He’s already in Snoke’s chambers. She averts her mind from what he’s seeing, focusing on his emotions instead. She doesn’t…she doesn’t want to watch, doesn’t want to hear. But she feels every bit of it.

Rey knows when Snoke is dead—it’s quick, effortless. A great beast breathing his last and passing into oblivion, taking with him the air of oppressive darkness that had shrouded the Force. She knows his death was relatively painless—and that was far better than she thinks he deserved.

Snoke didn’t have the same courtesy for Ben. She can feel him across their bond—every breath a struggle—and she feels like his cuts are her own. Snoke hadn’t made a killing blow, instead choosing to inflict wounds that would eventually kill Ben, but would leave him in pain for every second until his death. She panics for a moment, thinking blood is filling _her_ throat, that she’s the one seconds from dying, that she’ll bleed out alone and cold and in _so_ much pain and _so alone_ and she just wants it to end…but it’s not her.

She hates their bond now more than she ever has. She wishes she could live in ignorance for a few more hours and pretend he was going to come back. She can’t do that when she can feel him dying. All she wants to do is be able to take away his pain and she can’t. She doesn’t even know where he is. She can find him though; it’s not too late and she _has_ to at least _try_ to save him…

_Let me die, Rey_ , he whispers at her. An order.

Rey thinks she hates him for it. _Okay,_ she says back, though. _I’m here_. _You’re not alone._

_I was stronger than him in the end,_ he says, and she chokes on a sob, trying to not let him see how much this is affecting her. She doesn’t want to add to his pain.

_Shhh,_ she thinks, _I know. I know. You were always stronger._

_Be happy,_ he says. _Take your time…_

She knows when he’s dead.

She knows because she feels like _she’s_ being torn apart for once—the fabric of her mind tearing as the last vestiges of his presence enters the Force. Rey’s pretty sure he takes a part of her with him as he leaves her, whispering _Rey_ for the last time into her mind.

After, she feels…hollow. A part of her that had become so vital has vanished. She hadn’t realized how used to him she had grown until he was gone.

She doesn’t need to tell Leia her son is gone, for real and for good this time. There will be no bringing him back from this. It is something neither Jedi nor Sith has ever been able to actually accomplish.

_Maybe_ …she thinks… _if it would bring him back…_ but she shoves the thought down. The last thing he would want after all of it would be for her to turn to the Dark Side to bring him back. She decides to honor his sacrifice even if she hates him for doing it alone.

She misses his thoughts at the back of her mind. Sometimes, she thinks she can hear him. It’s like a phantom limb, tormenting her. She doesn’t tell anyone, but sometimes she can’t sleep, waiting for his presence to press into her thoughts.

Late at night, alone and tired, she wonders what could have been.

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening the the Hamilton soundtrack which made me sad? And then I thought about Reylo, and then I decided to combine the two things which was a very bad decision really because this is what came out of it. I'm sorry! I'll return to fluff soon enough, I suppose. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr @shipatfirstsight


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